I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize