im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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