mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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