Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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