Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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