I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
