I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize