You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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