omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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