I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
