he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize