Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
