You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I touched a dick in church today
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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