i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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