If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
