To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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