I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
