i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
