apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
