it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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