I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
