My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
