How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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