this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
