had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
