forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Let's paint friendship bongs
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
