you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
you made out with another girl for some wings
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
