I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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