"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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