Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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