the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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