Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
