this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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