You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
