i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
