I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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