She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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