Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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