I'm pants shitting drunk right now
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
