ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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