She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Where are you guys?
Drunk
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
