shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
