Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
