and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
my being single is dangerous.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
