im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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