dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
