Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
