Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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