What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
