I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
