when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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