shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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