I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
