I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
