my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
