Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
