Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
