so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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