i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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