What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
