I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
honey bunches of taint.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize