If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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