He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
