i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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