You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
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