Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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