there was a trapeze. enough said
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
