Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
