you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
