Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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