Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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