If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize