3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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