i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
