I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I had to cum in my sink.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
