From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
