Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
