that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Pants are for mortals
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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