You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
