do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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