i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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