I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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