i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Blood and glitter go together right?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
