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I heard we made out
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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