Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
