i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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