Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
