your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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