I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
