I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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