just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize