Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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