Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
